Life in a Non-Metro: Weekdays

My day starts somewhere between 9:00 – 10:00 am, when I get up after wasting my 7 hours in sleep, why wasted seven hours? Because I can’t remember anything happened in that duration, it’s a time loss, and according to X-Files whenever time loss happens, you were abducted by aliens. I don’t know any other theories for time loss so I’ll go with X-Files theory. So after getting abducted by aliens I wake up after 9:00 AM.

I hurry as much as I can not caring about the cold water, electric-shock-giving taps and dark-(basin-mirror-shower)less-bathroom. Around 10:15 AM I hear an everyday morning voice “Vikash” from my flatmate (flaty), I shout “one minute”, I hurry up enqueueing all the new stuff in utorrent and take two objects of never-forget-otherwise-you’ll-get-fucked category:  my ID card and the flat Key. While I lock the door, my flaty picks up his Indiatimes from the floor and starts reading it, he reads it whole the way to the bus by holding it by both the hands and amusing every passerby.  His crusade of reading the whole news paper and showing himself as a very busy person ends just before the bus stop which is just 10 minutes from my flat. We pass a couple of crowded buses because my flaty has got bus-crowdo-fobia. After waiting 5-10 minutes we get a bus or a cab or a car or a whatever; which drops us to a stop called College, which is just in front of my office building. We walk to the elevator area without talking; we get to our cubicles again without uttering a single word to each other. In this whole process we make a lot better version of movie Gerry.  

At my cubical my name plate reads “Viaksh Singh” which is a new name given by my company. Now me Viaksh Singh resume my work where I had left it yesterday. The platform I am supposed to work on is “dot Net” but I work on XML only, some XML lines here and there and my job done. Let’s cut the boring part, let’s talk about “a few team members”. Just after getting into the team I told my tech lead one method which could have saved a lot of development time by eliminating syntax errors and extra parameters. My lead was happy but a few team members couldn’t digest it. A few weeks later during an informal introduction I told them that I was a BTech as well as an MTech from IIT which made me the highest educated in the team, which practically gave a few members constipation. A few weeks later they had an online stupid-with-no-innovation game called Pie in the Face, in which every person could vote 5 times a day, I hacked the Javascript and voted more than 10 times, after that I got named as “anti-social-element”.  Also my I-don’t-give-a-shit face made a few members realize that I was ignoring them. So in reverse they have decided to ignore me. Now for a few team members I don’t exist and for me, as usual, nobody exists unless I need some urgent help.

Usually I don’t have much work, so I read something or watch something or go to pantry to read news paper or look at some stupid magazines to watch models or go to CCD or Barista or cafeteria, the whole day disappears just like that. Officially I should leave the office at 7:30 PM but I can’t because the busiest person on the planet my flaty always has some work to finish. Around 8:30 PM he pings me to leave, I leave the cubical exhausted and irritated to face another pain in the ass nautanki from my flaty. I go to his cubical to find him busy in his so called work, after a few minutes he closes his java editor and then starts searching for movies on the company’s LAN, 5-6 minutes later he transfers some crappy movies into his pen drive, which takes another 5-10 minutes, after transfer he goes to the bathroom to wash his coffee mug, comes back in 2-3 minutes, packs up all the things he spilled in the whole day and we leave but just before the exit he suddenly enters into another bathroom and comes back after another 3-4 minutes. Finally we leave around 9:00-9:20 PM.

As usual we pass the crowded buses, this time a lot of them not just a couple of them. As we get closer to our dining place my flaty’s song of hygiene and same-taste starts. This is where I curse Evolution, why don’t we have ear-lids when we can have eye-lids and lips, what actually went wrong??  Despite all the singing we dine at the same place every day.

We walk back to our flat after dinner, again finishing the remaining part of a lot better version of Gerry movie. I watch those new episodes, movies which I had enqueued in the morning to download and then around 3 AM I once again prepare myself for another alien abduction.

That’s all for the day, Good Night !!  


Road to Profession

Car arrives at 8:25AM; I am eating a 4.50 Rs chocolate cake which is my breakfast. Front seat is already occupied by Abhisek. I get at the rear seat. First job I do after getting into the AC-less car is to open the windows. As we move on the road, you can just notice the first statue, the statue of ‘i don’t know’, which has a woman in sari holding some rounded thing in her right hand perhaps her wrapped bed, and a guy is doing something, again I fail to find out what. Some yards from this landmark there is another statue called Netaji Statue hence this place is called Netaji Nagar. You can find these black statues all over the Kolkata. These statues give your place a name and a place where birds can shit without any tax.

We are on the main road now, Abhisek gives a missed call to the guy who will occupy my seat after some time and I’ll have to move to the right of the seat. These missed calls are to make sure that the next guy will be ready when car reaches at his residence to pick him up. As usual the road is busy in doing its business with taxis, cars, motor-bikes, city buses and the three-wheelers, among these taxis, three-wheelers and buses are the main transportation facilities of the city (which run on the road). We cross the Ranikuti and Tollygunge, in Tollygunge you can find three other sources of transportation: metro railway, local railway and trams; among these trams are legendary; the slowest and chaotic; Kolkata is the only place in the country which has this museum piece running on the rails creating chaos all over the place. However there used to be trams in Kanpur, Chennai, Bombay and Nasik too. In Kolkata trams are run by a company called CTC Ltd, which also runs the CTC bus service in the city.

We are heading to New Alipur to pick up the next guy. New Alipur is a congested area, where you can find 2-3 buildings under construction all the time you land there and narrow roads, covered with the piles of building material. Car somehow gets at the residence of the guy, who will delay further 10-20 minutes, forcing driver to kill the engine and roam around the street. The building is quiet high perhaps five-storied, the ground floor is kept for the car parking. After some 15 minutes we are on our way to Rashbehari Avenue to pick up the next guy and to end this picking up business. Oh sorry, I forgot to tell you about the last guy whom we picked up from New Alipur; his name is Mr Rudra Kamal Sinha Roy or simply Rudro (in Bengali), who is presently sitting left to me, holding his Ericson cell in right hand and a cigarette in left hand; his laptop bag resting between us on the seat. Mr Rudro is in his late twenties and perhaps unmarried, he will ask me first question after sometime he gets into the car and after some thirty decades later he will ask another, I’ll answer and that will end our precise conversation. Rest of the time I won’t talk at all, I will just think about my usual habit of getting F grade at least in one of the subjects I take each semester or I’ll think about non-spherical and fair faces of Kolkata.

Yeah I am referring to girl thing only; you can find these spherical faces all over the place. Hardly these spheres bear any expressions except the expression of enormous hunger, in case you don’t want to believe me, just give them a 100 ton sack of junk food, man I bet they will just chew it without even blinking twice. All the time you’ll find them chewing something like goats and buffaloes, man they hog even those things you’ll just look and will feel like puking all over the place like puchka and all. About non-spherical and fair faces, they bear three kinds of expressions: fuck me, fuck you and fuck off. You hardly get such faces around the city and in case you find one you consider your day lucky and all. But the bad-luck is that you’ll never find them alone, at one side there will a monster size lady purse and at the other side a monster itself. I wonder what do they carry in such purses, may be their brains, they know that they are going to use it very rarely, may be once or twice in a decade.

Rashbehari Avenue is always crowded with phoney guys and spheres, but sometime you can find these object oriented guys who don’t even know what is happening in their own pockets. They involve in their work like psychos and all, you will have to hit them million times to drag them into the real world. I can see one such guy standing with a leather bag in his left hand, man you can’t guess his age, you’ll definitely say that he is in his late sixties or seventies, but he is not more than thirty if you want to know the truth. His name is Mr Nilanjan De and he’ll put a full stop in this picking up drama. Mr Rudro will take his laptop bag in his lap and make some room for the new guy, this will make me squeeze and force me to remove the possible gap between me and the right-side door. This significant displacement will make me vulnerable to sun and I’ll stay there until car reaches to the destination and the destination is still decades away from here. I’ll just bake myself and sing ‘Nuthin But a G Thang’ without even using my larynx and tongue.

After some ninety decades we get there, leaving behind Ruby Hospital, Science City, Nicco Park and SDF Building. The name of our destination is iViZ Techno Solutions Pvt. Ltd. which is located at the 1st floor of the Rashmi Complex (also called Dhanashree Building), Sector V, Salt Lake; like an atom in a pile of thousand ton metal. This is the place where I am doing my summer training.